[B726.Ebook] PDF Ebook Malaysia Airlines Flight 370: Why It Disappeared—and Why It’s Only a Matter of Time Before This Happens Again, by David Soucie

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On March 8, 2014, Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 loaded 239 people on board and took off for what should have been a six-hour flight. It never made it—and it’s still missing. It’s been a year since Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 vanished, and there’s still no sign of the aircraft, its passengers, or its crew—nor confirmation of what happened or where the aircraft resides.

In this gripping investigation of the events that led to the plane’s disappearance— and why they could happen again—CNN aviation analyst David Soucie exposes the flaws in the aviation industry, shares what needs to be done so a plane doesn’t go missing again, and uses a Bayesian analysis model to reveal what most likely happened on board the plane that led to its downfall.

Comprehensive in scope, personal and empathetic in voice, Soucie draws on his thirty years of experience as an accident investigator working with the Federal Aviation Administration. He allows you to put the wild speculation about the plane’s disappearance aside and assess the facts through the eyes of an experienced accident investigator.

• Sales Rank: #852877 in Books
• Published on: 2015-02-17
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 7.90" h x .90" w x 5.10" l, .92 pounds
• Binding: Hardcover
• 188 pages

About the Author
David Soucie is CNN’s safety analyst and was a frequent guest during its coverage of the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370. He has thirty years of experience working with the Federal Aviation Administration as an aviation safety inspector and accident investigator, and has worked in the cockpit, on the hangar floor, and within the aviation boardroom. He is the author of Safer Skies, and has fought to obtain congressional approval for international safety program legislation put forth by the FAA.

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18 of 19 people found the following review helpful.
we get a good read that emphasizes the process of examining the huge ...
By Genten
Don’t look to David Soucie’s book for a dramatic play by play of the Malaysian Airlines Flight 370 disappearance. Instead, we get a good read that emphasizes the process of examining the huge amount of evidence and the long and still ongoing time line of the lost Flight 370.
As a crash investigator and aviator, Soucie brings the wayward observer’s eye to the events and news sound bites as they emerged to the world on that fateful day in March, 2014. The reader learns a lot about the parallels of this air tragedy and the Air France flight 447 accident in 2009 and other air crashes. Using the Bayesian formula for giving weight to pieces of evidence, Soucie maps out an accident algorithm for taking the information, organizing and weighing the validity and the source. The author weaves his own experiences as an air crash investigator as he absorbs the unlikely fact that this airplane, may be lost forever. Along the way he explains the whys and wherefores of safety implementations with the FAA and makes his own points for safety recommendations for future flights. Armed with what facts we know, Soucie does bring his very specific idea of what could have happened to the flight, in his detailed time line, very much his own hypothesis, backed up by explanations of other similar airline catastrophes. A good book that brings the process of investigating an air crash forward as well as the the investigation itself.

10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Good read
By Mike
David's book is a good overview, especially for the non-technical MH370 follower. It contains no complicated BFO or BTO equations, just a simple explanations of how things work that the average reader will understand. I found his summary of "what is known" to be well filtered to eliminate the more ridiculous non-sense circulating on the internet, while keeping an open mind and acknowledging that many questions remain. I recommend this book to anyone interested in the MH370 story.

10 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Very Short But Enjoyable & Factual Read
By Mick Rooney
Firstly, I've read Soucie's memoir 'Why Planes Crash' and he brings the same thorough analysis to this one on MH370, but above all he introduces a firm note of sensitivity and respect for those who lost their lives, something missing from many other books and articles on this subject.

Secondly, there is a limited amount of evidence and speculative theory you can explore with any book about an aircraft investigation that not only is incomplete, but where the aircraft and its passengers have not even been found. The hardback edition runs to just 158 pages and is a pretty quick read - I doubt there are much more than 30k words in here. Ten pages alone are taken up with a reproduction of the passenger manifest and another 16 colour pages of general photographs.

The book also doesn't start too well considering there is a glaring factual error in the very first sentence:

"It was 1:19 a.m. in Malaysia on March 8, 2014, when the captain of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, Zaharie Ahmad Shah, said good night to the air traffic controller in Ho Chi Minh City."

What?? The cockpit crew of MH370 never once spoke to ATC in Vietnam, nor was the aircraft ever picked up by them. The captain signed off to Malaysia ATC! Ironically, the sentence is from the opening chapter called: "Early Mistakes". I suspect David Soucie and his editor read that line a hundred times over and missed it.

That said, Soucie barely puts a foot wrong after that and offers methodical examination of all possible scenarios, discounting most and honing in on a couple of most likely possibilities. He doesn't over dazzle readers with too much technical stuff (just the right amount), avoids the scrutiny of the Inmarsat satellite data because he is no expert in this area, and he provides a refreshing and insightful read based on his experience in the FAA and his role as an aviation safety expert.

The book provides a reliable go-to guide to most of what we know about the investigation into MH370. A few minor quibbles about references towards the end of the book, which reference the TV network he does work for - CNN. If you are going to reference critical and factual information, then citing CNN as a source or the rather general 'Australian Report' instead of the preliminary report itself or primary sources is a little sloppy. He goes into detail about his 'Accident Algorithm' and how he devised it, but I was pretty disappointed with the visual graphic on P155 (tiny and unreadable) which adds nothing to the printed edition of the book.

Overall, this was an enjoyable but a very brief read.

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• Published on: 2004
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The electrifying next installment in the Red Queen series escalates the struggle between the growing rebel army and the blood-segregated world they've always known—and pits Mare against the darkness that has grown in her soul.

Mare Barrow's blood is red—the color of common folk—but her Silver ability, the power to control lightning, has turned her into a weapon that the royal court tries to control. The crown calls her an impossibility, a fake, but as she makes her escape from Maven, the prince—the friend—who betrayed her, Mare uncovers something startling: she is not the only one of her kind.

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• Sales Rank: #1807 in Books
• Published on: 2016-02-09
• Released on: 2016-02-09
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.00" h x 1.41" w x 6.00" l, .0 pounds
• Binding: Hardcover
• 464 pages

From School Library Journal
Gr 8 Up—Does saving some lives justify sacrificing others? This is the main question asked in this second installment of this series. Picking up right where the first volume left off, Mare and Cal are on the run from the usurper King Maven and his army of Silver bloods. Armed with a list of other "newbloods" like herself, Mare takes on the mission of recruiting them for the Scarlet Guard before they can be found by Maven. However, as her journey progresses, Mare learns that the lines between right and wrong aren't so clear, and she begins to become exactly the kind of person the Scarlet Guard is fighting against. While the kill count seems to be excessively high, it does end up raising some interesting points: namely, the question of who, if anyone, really deserves to die. And do the ends truly justify the means? As with her first effort, Aveyard certainly has a flair for the dramatic, which teens will eat up. The action hits the ground running and doesn't stop until after the last page is turned. And while some might recognize several familiar plot-related beats that resemble the novel's dystopian contemporaries, they shouldn't lessen the story's appeal. VERDICT Fans of Red Queen (HarperCollins, 2015) who have been clamoring for the sequel will be sated.—Kimberly Castle-Alberts, Hudson Library & Historical Society, OH

Review
“Aveyard certainly has a flair for the dramatic… The action hits the ground running and doesn’t stop until after the last page is turned.” (School Library Journal)

“High-stakes excitement and sharp plot twists… make this a fast-paced, exciting read and a thrilling sequel.” (Booklist)

“Fast-paced and action packed, Glass Sword is compelling and strong, guaranteed to gratify anxious readers of the series and fans of dystopian and fantasy literature.” (Voice of Youth Advocates (VOYA))

PRAISE FOR RED QUEEN: “A sizzling, imaginative thriller, where romance and revolution collide, where power and justice duel. It’s exhilarating. Compelling. Action-packed. Unputdownable.” (USA Today)

“Aveyard weaves a compelling new world of action-packed surprises... inventive, character-driven.” (Kirkus)

“A volatile world with a dynamic heroine.” (Booklist)

“Breakneck pace and engaging characters.” (School Library Journal)

” [Aveyard] sets her audience up for a gaspworthy twist that reconfigures nearly every character’s role and leaves Mare with no one to trust but herself... This blend of fantasy and dystopia will be an unexpected and worthy addition to many genre fans’ reading list.” (Bulletin of the Center for Children’s Books)

“Fascinating world building... Readers will be intrigued by a world that reflects today’s troubling issues concerning ethnic inequality, unfair distribution of wealth, pollution, warfare, political corruption, and the frightening power of the media.” (Voice of Youth Advocates (VOYA))

From the Back Cover

If there’s one thing Mare Barrow knows, it’s that she’s different.

Mare Barrow’s blood is red—the color of common folk—but her Silver ability, the power to control lightning, has turned her into a weapon that the royal court tries to control.

The crown calls her an impossibility, a fake, but as she makes her escape from Maven, the prince—the friend—who betrayed her, Mare uncovers something startling: She is not the only one of her kind.

Pursued by Maven, now a vindictive king, Mare sets out to find and recruit other Red-and-Silver fighters to join in the struggle against her oppressors.

But Mare finds herself on a deadly path, at risk of becoming exactly the kind of monster she is trying to defeat.

Will she shatter under the weight of the lives that are the cost of rebellion? Or have treachery and betrayal hardened her forever?

The electrifying next installment in the Red Queen series escalates the struggle between the growing rebel army and the blood-segregated world they’ve always known—and pits Mare against the darkness that has grown in her soul.

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94 of 99 people found the following review helpful.
I have to say it and I hate that I have to say it because this was ...
By J. Arkin
I have to say it and I hate that I have to say it because this was one of my most anticipated titles of the year… but this book I think suffered greatly from second book syndrome.

If you’re reading this, you have to know that I absolutely loved Red Queen… it was exciting and suspenseful and full of fantastical elements that drew me in and had me so stupid excited to get my hands on book 2. I loved Mare… I loved Cal… I loved Kilorn and at times I even loved Maven.
We dive right into action with Mare and Cal trying to escape Maven with the help of the Scarlet Guard which was exciting and brought me right back into the heart of the story, but from there it was just a lot of ups and downs for me.

The pacing of this part of the story was incredibly slow, and I get that there was no way around it… we needed to find out about the other Reds with special skills, but it was just soooooo stinking sloooooow.

Unfortunately, I found myself skimming over passages of the middle of this book and then having to focus, go back and pay better attention.
I think my other issues were with Mare… she at times to me seemed to have lost the fire and spirit that I came to love in Red Queen. She was just kind of moving through the motions with no real passion for what she was doing and it was so frustrating! I expected more from her as a character and all the things I needed just were not there.

I have to mention the romance because there were a lot of different players in Red Queen, and while they are all still present there is no question as to she’s got the connection with but to be honest, it was soooooo bland and not at all exciting and I didn’t get any urges to get them to hook up. I unfortunately think that had a lot to do with my feelings about Mare.

I still love Cal. The Fire Prince absolutely needed more page time, though I am loving the arc of his character.

I am trying to do this spoiler free, so I won’t give you any specifics HOWEVER, I need to say this. There is one goal that these characters have through most of this book and when the god damn thing happens, it was so ANTI-CLIMACTIC I probably would have missed it.

And then Aveyard does it to you with that ending.

As I’m thinking about this story, I’m surprised to learn this is going to be 4 books. Will I be reading them? You bet I will, but I will definitely be hoping that the story pace picks up, I start to dislike Mare less, and we can get some damn kissing that means something. As it stands, you just may find me cheering for Maven!

39 of 46 people found the following review helpful.
Slow, repetitive, and Mare is the worst
By yourskreename
I remember tearing through the Red Queen in two days, so caught up in the world, the plot, and riveting battle scenes. But the Glass Sword is slow, predictable, and Mare is very unlikeable. I found myself so frustrated with everything she does and DOESN'T do - she's very passive and lacks backbone. So much time is spent talking about Mare's emotions, which are always the same (guilty, angry, sad), it's incredibly repetitive and you'd rather be anywhere other than in her head. I wasn't rooting for her AT ALL, which made what little romantic scenes there were even less enticing. Aveyard still does a good job with fight scenes and it's still an interesting, unique world. The visuals will make this a great movie (plus the fact that a movie wouldn't dwell on Mare's feelings sooo much), but unless Mare changes drastically in the next book, I can't say I'll stick with this series.

11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Wow. I am so glad that's over.
By Kait
Okay. So:

Red Queen was good ! I really liked the whole idea and everything, and finished the book rather quickly, to be brief.

Now, I was so excited for Glass Sword. Like, I got it the day it was released. So I really gave it a chance, I did. But boy, by page 40, I could not stand this book. Not just the book, but MARE.

Let me break this down into what made this book a disappointing disaster for me.

1) MARE

I'm going to call her nightMare because that's exactly what she was throughout the entire book. What on Earth! I've never disliked a main character so much.

It started out by her calling herself the 'lighting girl' literally 20 times within the first two chapters. Yes, okay, we get it. You're the Lightning girl, woopdy doo. Not only was that incredibly annoying, but her ENTIRE inner dialogue was a pity party that NO ONE wanted to be invited to. On every single page she had to remind everyone of how "broken" and "alone" she was and boo hoo. Oh look at me I'm the Lightning girl and my heart is ice and my soul is black and I'm so alone I can't smile or laugh because that girl is dead and I must become this and that and I must harden my already hard heart and push people away and I can't trust anyone because ANYONE CAN BETRAY ANYONE (yes, we KNOW) and blah blah blah BLAH.
Literally all she did was whine!! I'm going to add some legit quotes from the book at the end but I'm just paraphrasing what her inner thoughts were like. We had to be told what nightMare was feeling after every single little thing instead of being SHOWN. Show, not tell. Hello?? NightMare was also incredibly disrespectful, heartless, and distant.
She didn't give two craps about her family and belittled Kilorn FOR NO REASON. Okay, so with her family, she left them at that camp place. The Tuck? I don't even remebmber and I literally just finished the book an hour ago. Anyways, then she gives NO THOUGHT to them AT ALL after that. In Red Queen she visibly cared about them! Even sneaking off with Cal to get to see them and now it's like she did a 180 360 2 million turn around and couldn't care less. ??!!!

I cannot understand her reasoning for using Kilorn as a punching bad and literally treating him like dirt. No, garbage. She called him useless to his face and belittled him constantly. When Kiliorn told her how he felt about her (that scene kind of came out of nowhere and was messy in general btw) she didn't care at all! Instead of being KIND to him about it, she was basically like, "oh no, never wanted this to happen. Too bad for you Kilorn. I'm going to draw on my inner Mareena now." EXCUSE YOU. NightMare did not deserve a friend like Kilorn who constantly forgave her for her disgusting attitude towards him. She honestly treated him so badly it was horrid to read. If that's how she treats her friends, it's no wonder that she has none.

Another thing: nightMare acted as if she were the center of the world/universe/Galaxy. News flash: YOU ARE NOT. In addition to calling herself the lighting girl (UGH) every 2 sentences, she also reminds the readers that she's the most important, her ability the best and deadliest. Which, by the way, was not true. She was no better than Cal's Fire or any of the other newbloods. In any way, shape, or form. NightMare needed to humble herself and sit down. She acted as if everyone else paled in comparison to her. And since Victoria Aveyard didn't bother to give any of the other characters the time of day (getting to that soon), they really did pale in comparison to that whiny little girl.

NightMare also complained about being alone. How isolated she was and blah blah blah. But she made herself that way! She didn't want to get close to anyone and was rude to them all, acting like a cold high and mighty leader. She kept saying that everyone was afraid of her, or, of the "lightning girl" (UGHHH) but why?? She never did anything to them to warrant their fear and so the whole thing was unrealistic. It was just an excuse for Victoria to not have to write any civil interactions between nightMare and any other character. I don't really mind, all of nightMare's interactions were painful anyways.

I can't really say enough about how annoying nightMare was. She was the worst. Her inner dialogue didn't make me feel bad for her in the slightest. Because of her terrible character (such a contrast to who she was in Red Queen by the way!) I didn't care what happened to her. I've never cared less for a main character. Maven inwardly tortured nightMare? Oh well.
NightMare is sad and lonely? Oh well.
NightMare fell off a cliff? Oh well.
Don't. Care. She was the main thing that ruined this book for me.

2) The characters

Characters are supposed to come alive. Authors are supposed to breathe life into them, to make them leap off the page and into our hearts. Did Ms. (Mrs?) Aveyard do that? NOPE.
I knew something was missing, even from Red Queen and now I know it was the characters. It wasn't as noticeable in RQ but oh, was it noticeable here. No quirks. What kind of food do they like/dislike? What makes them tick? They had no goals that didn't revolve around nightMare and her little quest. All Aveyard did was give the characters one word personality characteristics. Farley- bold. Kilorn-kind. Cal- humble. Cameron- fierce. Shade- funny. LIKE???
Honestly because of their lack of everything, I sadly didn't really care about anyone. When Shade died it was upsetting but nightMare didn't care so neither did I. The family didn't seem to care so neither did I. The author skipped over every character just to get to nightMare who was the worst of them all. It was awful how little attention all the other characters got. And the newbloods ? LOL. Who are they? I don't know. What are their goals besides being used my nightMare? I don't know. All we know are their abilities, and I forgot their names as soon as they were mentioned. It was sad. It IS sad.

3) The Villain- Maven.

When you have a villain in a book, you want the readers to hate them. You want them to gasp and curl their fist, shout "how dare you!" In my
opinion, at least. Maven was the softest villain I've ever read. We were all TOLD about him and what he was doing, like once in a while the author remembered to mention him. Maven was completely behind the scenes which stinks because he's the reason nightMare is so broken and cold and alone and BOO HOO. The little notes he wrote were silly and childish. Even at the end when he captured nightMare (which I was not upset about by the way. Like I said, I don't care what happens to nightMare. I didn't care that she was humiliated in front of all the Silvers. Oh well, too bad for her. I'm glad Aveyard didn't do two pages of inner dialogue on what nightMare was feeling at the time and how alone and sad she was. Thanks!) I still didn't hate him. It was kind of like, "Oh, there you are Maven. Cool. Sorry about your mom by the way." (Side note, Queen Elara's death was not even written out. Are you kidding me? She gets whisked into the dust and fog and comes out electrocuted and burned and fried up. Aveyard writes painfully specific details about surroundings and places but not important scenes like the death of villain #2.) -__- Anyways, the villain wasn't a villain and that also weakened the book a whole lot.

4) Repetitiveness/Boring

We were literally told nightMare was the Lightning girl 4000000000 times, and told how sad and alone she was. This annoyed me to no end. Seriously, no end. Aveyard spent so much time focusing on nightMare's inner pity party that all the action scenes fell flat because after every little thing, we had to know how nightMare felt about it. Who. Cares. There was too much detail to the point where I skipped over half the descriptions. Yawn.

5) The romance

I understand why nightMare wants to keep Cal at a distance, after all that betrayal by Maven and whatever. But then she of course kisses him and sleeps in the same bed with him and so on, and then pushes him away for no reason like a spoiled brat. Just like Kilorn, nightMare treated Cal like crap. She even belittled him as well, literally saying "...he's not the sharpest sword in the armory." EXCUSE YOU. Who are you to talk?? No one.The fact that Cal overlooked her vile behavior and crawled back was also unrealistic. NightMare was so awful ( I can't stress that enough you guys) that it truly was unrealistic that anyone could tolerate her and would continue to socialize with her. Kiliorn and Cal did not deserve the treatment they received from nightMare, and she didn't deserve them, period. Romance was choppy mostly because nightMare treated Cal like a toy and only wanted him when it benefited her. Ugh. And I LIKE Cal. He is one of the only characters I like. NightMare doesn't deserve him at all. Mareena did, but nightMare does not.

Now, those are the main 5 things that just made me want to throw my kindle while reading this book. Of course nightMare tops it all, she was 93% of why this was so frustrating to read. Seriously she was the worst. Anyways, here are some examples and my reactions to them.

*NightMare repeatedly referring to herself as the "Lightning girl". Also thinking she is the best thing since sliced bread.

Example 1) "I am the little lightning girl---living electricity, a lighting bolt in human form....I am valuable, I am powerful..."

Me: Okay, yeah sure.

Example 2) "Kilorn is looking to someone else now... he's asking the lightning girl."

Me: Uh huh. Yup."

Example 3) "....like every wire and circuit since I became the lightning girl..."

Me: Oookay.

Example 4) ""The lighting girl" echoes from them..."

Me: Lol okay I get it.

Example 5) "Afraid of the lightning girl..."

Me: That's enough.

Example 6) "...but I am the lightning girl...."

Me: OKAY---

Example 7) "....I was the lightning girl..."

Me: I GET IT OKAY.

Those are 7 of MANY you guys. MANY. But I won't torture you anymore.

Now, some examples of nightMare's inner never-ending pity party.

Example 1) "...and yet, I've never wanted to cry more. For them, I hold back. I curl inward and bleed inside, alone, so no one can see..."

Me: Sorry? Why are you THIS upset again? Did you kill your own father under the power of your mother? No? Okay then lol.

Example 2) "...sets in, joining the cold still deep in my bones. Normally I would shiver---but I am getting used to his feeling. I suppose I should get used to being alone too..."

Me: And why? Oh yeah, because you push everyone away please be quiet now.

(you know what you guys, she had so many pity-party poor me boo hoo incredibly annoying moments that I just can't. Let's just say I was in a fetal position halfway through.)

This review has gone on along enough, and though I have so much more to say about the utter annoyance, frustration, and disappointment this book caused, I think I've made my point. I won't be reading book 3 or 4 because I doubt there can be a comeback after this. It's just a shame to see a series with good potential go to the pits. :/

P.S: But Cameron/ Thank goodness for Cameron. Thank you for telling nightMare OFF. Too bad your character faded away shortly afterwards.

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[M787.Ebook] PDF Download Calm Forest: Native American Flute Songbook, by Wojciech Usarzewicz

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"Calm Forest" is a songbook for beginners and intermediate players who wish to learn how to play Native American flute. The book starts with introduction that covers breathing and playing techniques. Then, it explains basic decorations such as grace notes or thrills and describes the pentatonic scale of Native flutes.

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Each song is linked so you can listen to real recordings for free as well, which can further help you with learning the art of Native American flute.

• Sales Rank: #316381 in eBooks
• Published on: 2016-01-07
• Released on: 2016-01-07
• Format: Kindle eBook

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1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Good beginner book.
By Kristen McNew
Good book for a beginner and just some great fun for more advanced players. It could use a chapter on flute care, but very nice otherwise. I recommend.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Enjoyed!
By Amazon Customer
Great book for beginners. I enjoyed the songs, they were not well known song but do sound great on the flute at any tempo.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Great
By Paul Batista
It's great to start out. It helped me allot

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• Published on: 1600
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• Published on: 2007-07-29
• Binding: Paperback

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[Z296.Ebook] Ebook The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose, by Woody Allen

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Comprising the classic bestsellers Getting Even, Without Feathers, and Side Effects, this definitive collection of comic writings is from a man who needs no Introduction. Really–this book has no Introduction.

The Insanity Defense reveals many sides of Woody Allen as he holds forth on the most human of urges (“Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only for food: frequently there must be a beverage”); reflects on death (“I don’t believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear”); and notes the effect on history wrought by trick chewing gum, the dribble glass, and other novelties. There is also an inspiring story of the futile race to beat Dr. Heimlich to the punch: “The food went down the wrong pipe, and choking occurred. Grasping the mouse firmly by the tail, I snapped it like a small whip, and the morsel of cheese came loose. If we can transfer the procedure to humans, we may have something. Too early to tell.”

All Woody Allen fans will cherish this uproarious treasury–and those who don’t enjoy The Insanity Defense are just plain crazy.

“If you don’t care if you break into helpless whoops of laughter on buses, trains, or wherever you happen to be reading it.”
–Chicago Tribune, on Without Feathers

“Brilliant flights of fancy whose comic detail and inspired silliness are at once dramatic and controlled.”
–The New York Times, on Side Effects

• Sales Rank: #233691 in Books
• Published on: 2007-06-12
• Released on: 2007-06-12
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 8.00" h x .70" w x 5.20" l, .57 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 352 pages

From Booklist
Published simultaneously with Mere Anarchy�(2007), these 40-plus previously published humorous sketches poke fun at Allen's classic targets: New York intellectuals, death, and Mr. Big—he's God, of course.�Projecting personas is Allen's main technique across these stories, many of which�contain�allusions to the 1970s, when most of them were written. You want Studs Terkel? Allen satirizes his Hard Times in "Fine Times." How about Nazi memoirists? Allen gives you the recollections of Hitler's barber. Latin American revolutionaries were on the march, if somewhat ineffectually, in "Viva Vargas!" And if one's laughs come from�satirizing such�literary forms�as the�eulogy, commencement speech, or college course catalog, Allen is your parodist as well. Including mockery of collected works via a faux review of the collected laundry lists of the unjustifiably obscure Metterling, Allen perhaps barbs his own volume, which is the third�time many of these pieces have seen publication. Nevertheless, it's a treasury of risibility for the Allen audience. Taylor, Gilbert
Copyright � American Library Association. All rights reserved

Excerpt. � Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
The Metterling Lists

Venal & Sons has at last published the long-awaited first volume of Metterling’s laundry lists (The Collected Laundry Lists of Hans Metterling, Vol. I, 437 pp., plus xxxii-page introduction; indexed; $18.75), with an erudite commentary by the noted Metterling scholar Gunther Eisenbud. The decision to publish this work separately, before the completion of the immense four-volume oeuvre, is both welcome and intelligent, for this obdurate and sparkling book will instantly lay to rest the unpleasant rumors that Venal & Sons, having reaped rich rewards from the Metterling novels, play, and notebooks, diaries, and letters, was merely in search of continued profits from the same lode. How wrong the whisperers have been! Indeed, the very first Metterling laundry list

List No. 1

6 prs. shorts

4 undershirts

6 prs. blue socks

4 blue shirts

2 white shirts

6 handkerchiefs

No starch

serves as a perfect, near-total introduction to this troubled genius, known to his contemporaries as the “Prague Weirdo.” The list was dashed off while Metterling was writing Confessions of a Monstrous Cheese, that work of stunning philosophi- cal import in which he proved not only that Kant was wrong about the universe but that he never picked up a check. Metterling’s dislike of starch is typical of the period, and when this particular bundle came back too stiff Metterling became moody and depressed. His landlady, Frau Weiser, reported to friends that “Herr Metterling keeps to his room for days, weeping over the fact that they have starched his shorts.” Of course, Breuer has already pointed out the relation between stiff underwear and Metterling’s constant feeling that he was being whispered about by men with jowls (Metterling: Paranoid-Depressive Psychosis and the Early Lists, Zeiss Press). This theme of a failure to follow instructions appears in Metterling’s only play, Asthma, when Needleman brings the cursed tennis ball to Valhalla by mistake.

The obvious enigma of the second list

List No. 2

7 prs. shorts

5 undershirts

7 prs. black socks

6 blue shirts

6 handkerchiefs

No Starch

is the seven pairs of black socks, since it has been long known that Metterling was deeply fond of blue. Indeed, for years the mention of any other color would send him into a rage, and he once pushed Rilke down into some honey because the poet said he preferred brown-eyed women. According to Anna Freud (“Metterling’s Socks as an Expression of the Phallic Mother,” Journal of Psychoanalysis, Nov., 1935), his sudden shift to the more sombre legwear is related to his unhappiness over the “Bayreuth Incident.” It was there, during the first act of Tristan, that he sneezed, blowing the toupee off one of the opera’s wealthiest patrons. The audience became convulsed, but Wagner defended him with his now classic remark “Everybody sneezes.” At this, Cosima Wagner burst into tears and accused Metterling of sabotaging her husband’s work.

That Metterling had designs on Cosima Wagner is undoubtedly true, and we know he took her hand once in Leipzig and again, four years later, in the Ruhr Valley. In Danzig, he referred to her tibia obliquely during a rainstorm, and she thought it best not to see him again. Returning to his home in a state of exhaustion, Metterling wrote Thoughts of a Chicken, and dedicated the original manuscript to the Wagners. When they used it to prop up the short leg of a kitchen table, Metterling became sullen and switched to dark socks. His housekeeper pleaded with him to retain his beloved blue or at least to try brown, but Metterling cursed her, saying, “Slut! And why not Ar- gyles, eh?”

In the third list

List No. 3

6 handkerchiefs

5 undershirts

8 prs. socks

3 bedsheets

2 pillowcases

linens are mentioned for the first time: Metterling had a great fondness for linens, particularly pillowcases, which he and his sister, as children, used to put over their heads while playing ghosts, until one day he fell into a rock quarry. Metterling liked to sleep on fresh linen, and so do his fictional creations. Horst Wasserman, the impotent locksmith in Filet of Herring, kills for a change of sheets, and Jenny, in The Shepherd’s Finger, is willing to go to bed with Klineman (whom she hates for rubbing butter on her mother) “if it means lying between soft sheets.” It is a tragedy that the laundry never did the linens to Metterling’s satisfaction, but to contend, as Pfaltz has done, that his consternation over it prevented him from finishing Whither Thou Goest, Cretin is absurd. Metterling enjoyed the luxury of sending his sheets out, but he was not dependent on it.



What prevented Metterling from finishing his long-planned book of poetry was an abortive romance, which figures in the “Famous Fourth” list:

List No. 4

7 prs. shorts

6 handkerchiefs

6 undershirts

7 prs. black socks

No Starch

Special One-Day Service

In 1884, Metterling met Lou Andreas-Salom�, and suddenly, we learn, he required that his laundry be done fresh daily. Actually, the two were introduced by Nietzsche, who told Lou that Metterling was either a genius or an idiot and to see if she could guess which. At that time, the special one-day service was becoming quite popular on the Continent, particularly with intellectuals, and the innovation was welcomed by Metterling. For one thing, it was prompt, and Metterling loved promptness. He was always showing up for appointments early—sometimes several days early, so that he would have to be put up in a guest room. Lou also loved fresh shipments of laundry every day. She was like a little child in her joy, often taking Metterling for walks in the woods and there unwrapping the latest bundle. She loved his undershirts and handkerchiefs, but most of all she worshipped his shorts. She wrote Nietzsche that Metterling’s shorts were the most sublime thing she had ever encountered, including Thus Spake Zarathustra. Nietzsche acted like a gentleman about it, but he was always jealous of Metterling’s underwear and told close friends he found it “Hegelian in the extreme.” Lou Salom� and Metterling parted company after the Great Treacle Famine of 1886, and while Metterling forgave Lou, she always said of him that “his mind had hospital corners.”

The fifth list

List No. 5

6 undershirts

6 shorts

6 handkerchiefs

has always puzzled scholars, principally because of the total absence of socks. (Indeed, Thomas Mann, writing years later, became so engrossed with the problem he wrote an entire play about it, The Hosiery of Moses, which he accidentally dropped down a grating.) Why did this literary giant suddenly strike socks from his weekly list? Not, as some scholars say, as a sign of his oncoming madness, although Metterling had by now adopted certain odd behavior traits. For one thing, he believed that he was either being followed or was following somebody. He told close friends of a government plot to steal his chin, and once, on holiday in Jena, he could not say anything but the word “eggplant” for four straight days. Still, these seizures were sporadic and do not account for the missing socks. Nor does his emulation of Kafka, who for a brief period of his life stopped wearing socks, out of guilt. But Eisenbud assures us that Metterling continued to wear socks. He merely stopped sending them to the laundry! And why? Because at this time in his life he acquired a new housekeeper, Frau Milner, who consented to do his socks by hand—a gesture that so moved Metterling that he left the woman his entire fortune, which consisted of a black hat and some tobacco. She also appears as Hilda in his comic allegory, Mother Brandt’s Ichor.

Obviously, Metterling’s personality had begun to fragment by 1894, if we can deduce anything from the sixth list:

List No. 6

25 handkerchiefs

1 undershirt

5 shorts

1 sock

and it is not surprising to learn that it was at this time he entered analysis with Freud. He had met Freud years before in Vienna, when they both attended a production of Oedipus, from which Freud had to be carried out in a cold sweat. Their sessions were stormy, if we are to believe Freud’s notes, and Metterling was hostile. He once threatened to starch Freud’s beard and often said he reminded him of his laundryman. Gradually, Metterling’s unusual relationship with his father came out. (Students of Metterling are already familiar with his father, a petty official who would frequently ridicule Metterling by comparing him to a wurst.) Freud writes of a key dream Metterling described to him:

I am at a dinner party with some friends when suddenly a man walks in with a bowl of soup on a leash. He accuses my underwear of treason, and when a lady defends me her forehead falls off. I find this amusing in the dream, and laugh. Soon everyone is laughing except my laundryman, who seems stern and sits there putting porridge in his ears. My father enters, grabs the lady’s forehead, and runs away with it. He races to a public square, yelling, “At last! At last! A forehead of my own! Now I won’t have to rely on that stupid son of mine.” This depresses me in the dream, and I am seized with an urge to kiss the Burgomaster’s laundry. (Here the patient weeps and forgets the remainder of the dream.)

With insights gained from this dream, Freud was able to help Metterling, and the two became quite friendly outside of analysis, although Freud would never let Metterling get behind him.

In Volume II, it has been announced, Eisenbud will take up Lists 7–25, including the years of Metterling’s “private laundress” and the pathetic misunderstanding with the Chinese on the corner.

Most helpful customer reviews

82 of 90 people found the following review helpful.
Don't buy this book, obtain the originals instead
By Cyril A. Barnert
I had already read Woody Allen's three previous books of essays ("Getting Even", "Without Feathers", and "Side Effects") and found them hilarious. But there is a serious problem in the subtitle of this book "The Complete Prose", even if the implication is meant to be that it is complete IF TAKEN TOGETHER WITH Woody's other 2007 publication, "Mere Anarchy". Despite its subtitle, "Insanity Defense" is NOT A COMPLETE COMPILATION OF THE FIRST THREE BOOKS, including only 46 of the 51 essays. The missing five (which are also not in "Mere Anarchy") are worthwhile and funny. Don't get me wrong--the 46 essays that are included are very good, but it does rankle me that they misleadingly claimed completeness. I recommend skipping "Insanity Defense" and obtaining the three original volumes via used-book sources, to go along with "Mere Anarchy".

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By joann fynke
Good read!

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Absolutely Brilliant
By New Hasselhoff
I first read the three collections compiled herein about 20 years ago. Then, as now, I found myself sputtering with convulsive laughter as I made my way through. I literally was afraid to read it around other people because I could not control my reaction. I've read a number of works of humor. Nothing has made me laugh out loud like this. The elegance of his language and the beautiful and profound absurdity is unparalleled. Pure gold.

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[A237.Ebook] Fee Download Schottenfreude: German Words for the Human Condition, by Ben Schott

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Schottenfreude: German Words for the Human Condition, by Ben Schott

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Ever thought, There should be a German word for that? Well, thanks to the brilliantly original mind behind Schott’s Original Miscellany, now there is. Schottenfreude is a unique, must-have dictionary, complete with newly coined words that explore the idiosyncrasies of life as only the German language can. In what other language but German could you construct le mot juste for a secret love of bad foods, the inability to remember jokes, Sunday-afternoon depression, the urge to yawn, the glee of gossip, reassuring your hairdresser, delight at the changing of the seasons, the urge to hoard, or the ineffable pleasure of a cold pillow? A beguiling, ideal gift book for the Gelehrte or anyone on your list—just beware of rapidly expanding (and potentially incomprehensible) vocabularies.

• Sales Rank: #150548 in Books
• Published on: 2013-10-31
• Released on: 2013-10-31
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.80" h x .60" w x 4.80" l, .64 pounds
• Binding: Hardcover
• 96 pages

Review
“Hugely inventive… Pleasantly pre-Web—a self-enclosed thing that rewards another, older kind of multitasking: reading, laughing, and learning.” – The New Yorker

“Perfectly tailored.” – The New Republic

“Elegant [and] illuminating."� – Wired �

“Genius.” – Real Simple

"[A] work of brilliance."--The Times (London)

�

About the Author
Ben Schott is the creator and designer of the international bestseller Schott’s Original Miscellany and its three sequels. He also wrote the news annual Schott’s Almanac (2006–2011). Together his books have sold some 2.5 million copies, in twenty one languages (including Japanese and Braille). Schott is a contributing columnist to the op-ed pages of The New York Times and a regular contributor to The Times of London. He divides his time between New York and London.

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27 of 29 people found the following review helpful.
Deutschw�rtervergn�gen (The Pleasure of German Words)
By Thomas E. Davis
Every book by Ben Schott is a meticulous masterpiece of conception and execution. He's best known for his delightful series of four Miscellanies (Schott's Original Miscellany, Schott's Food & Drink Miscellany, Schott's Sporting, Gaming & Idling Miscellany, and Schott's Quintessential Miscellany) and for his six Almanacs, published annually between 2006 and 2011.

Schott's newest book is unlike his previous efforts in that it has an especially specific focus -- invented German words -- but it's very much like the others in that it's so infernally clever, has been so carefully thought out, and possesses a singularly beautiful design. By going to Mr. Schott's website, benschott dot com, and clicking on The New York Times under the Journalism tab, you can link to an excerpt from the book and listen to him talk about it. There you can also read any of the numerous engaging columns he's written for the newspaper.

"Schottenfreude" is a play on the German word Schadenfreude, which means "shameful joy" or "pleasure derived from the misfortune of others." It's not among the book's 120 indexed entries, but then it's a long-established term that has decisively entered the English language along with such loanwords as Weltanschauung (worldview), Realpolitik (practical politics), Gem�tlichkeit (coziness), Wanderlust (desire to travel), Zeitgeist (spirit of the times), Gestalt (whole), and Angst (anxiety). Most of the words in this volume are longer than these examples, some comically so; Kraftfahrzeuginnenaustattungsneugeruchsgenuss, meaning "new car smell," is the longest at 45 letters. They have obviously been contrived by the author, yet they are "real" in the sense that they are perfectly justifiable and creative concatenations of concepts.

Such terms result from the nearly unlimited capacity of the German language to form compounds. They are long for good reason: each packs within it a small universe of distinct meanings, encapsulates very particular sets of denotative and connotative senses, and possesses unique emotional and cultural implications. And there is not one in this book that isn't both witty and amusing. A prime example is Gaststattenneuer�ffnungsuntergangsgewissheit (inn-new-opening-downfall-certitude or "certainty that a newly opened restaurant will fail"), which has 44 letters. On the other hand, several are as short as eight or nine letters, including "Mahlneid" (meal-envy or "coveting thy neighbor's restaurant order"), "Gastdruck" (guest-pressure or "the effort required to be a good houseguest"), and "Betttrug" (bed-deception or "disorientation upon waking in a strange bed").

Each entry, printed in a gothic font, provides a guide to pronunciation and a definition. This is followed by an insightful unpacking of the words inside and a detailed annotation, complete with lists, quotations, literary references, and the occasional illustration. The book is an elegant pleasure for book lovers, students of German, and logophiles of all stripes. I highly recommended this glittering intellectual bauble for gift-giving this holiday season, or at any time of the year.

11 of 12 people found the following review helpful.
Move over Oxford Dictionary!
By Paris fan
Ach Du Lieber! What an amazing collection of German words created by the incredible Ben Schott! From the 47 letter German word for "New car smell," to nine letter term for "The exhausting pressure of being a good houseguest," this book is a must have for anyone who has ever studied German, comes from a German heritage, or just loves the magic and power of words. The beautifully designed and bound hardcover book is in a format reminiscent of an old-fashioned photo album or autograph book is an Einartigesbuchliebhabersgeschenk--(one-of-a-kind-booklovers gift.)

9 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
Duden beware!
By George F. Simons
Recently I did a review of Liesl Schillinger’s Wordbirds: An Irreverent Lexicon for the 21st Century, an attempt to name things for which there should be a word but there isn't. I noted that the book was tongue-in-cheek, but it raised a point about the importance of word creation in the development of culture and its relationship to language. Now, for the passionate polyglot there is a similar work for fehlende Wortschatz in German. Even the title of the book is a play on words, replacing the “damages” in Schadenfreude (taking delight in others’ misfortunes) with perhaps similar delight in potential damages done to the German language by this text.

My high school German prof, besides requiring that we learn and use the already abandoned Gothic penmanship, always insisted that German was the “sectional bookcase of languages,” namely that one could put together words pretty much ad libitum to come up with new words or at least words more amply descriptive of subject one was discussing. He gave this tongue-twisting example: a single word to amply denominate a “Danube steamship cruise company captain's assistant,” namely a Donaudampfschifffahrtsgesellschaftskapit�nsassistent. Such conjunctivity is certainly the case in Schott’s book. Though his newly-minted nouna are not yet to be found in Duden, their suggested meanings can, I suspect, be more evident to the German ear than the similar English constructions in Wordbirds. There is of course tongue-in-cheek fun-poking here as well, and perhaps cause for a bit of Schadenfreude on the part of the non-German reader whose sauerkraut, lederhosen and herr professor stereotypes are tickled.

Shott’s book differs from Schillinger's in a number of ways. First, no illustrations, no birds. The words are presented three to a page, each with a pronunciation guide, the author’s definition of the word, and a translation of the exact German words that were shoved together to create the neologism. Here are a few examples that resonate to my own human condition:
1. Kissenk�hlelabsel, (pillow chill-refreshment): “The ineffable pleasure, and instant relief of the cool pillow.”
2. Traumneustartversuch, (dream – restart – experiment): “The (usually futile) attempt to return to the plot of the dream after having been woken.”
3. Marksismus, (deutsch Marks-ism [not Marxism]). “The distorting influence of wealth. (Still valid despite the €uro).

Finally, the book is in another respect much richer as the facing page produces a column of related text for each word created, sometimes historical, sometimes poetic, sometimes just a literary comment, with, of course, footnotes as to the source. How could this presume to be a German scientific work without the latter! This alongside commentary, both confirms the experience described in the newly created word and is sometimes more delightful than the concocted term itself.

A good read if you are convinced that language and culture should be fun as well as serious social constructions leading to our needing to manage political, economic, colonial and military intervention.

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Schottenfreude: German Words for the Human Condition, by Ben Schott PDF

Schottenfreude: German Words for the Human Condition, by Ben Schott PDF

Schottenfreude: German Words for the Human Condition, by Ben Schott PDF

Schottenfreude: German Words for the Human Condition, by Ben Schott PDF